Definition of My Days

Here goes some ramblings....

What’s to say about anything? Sometimes I feel like im 16 again and im not sure who I am as if my body is not mine but my mind is mine. And sometimes my heart too doesn’t feel like it is mine. Hah!

Relationships, work dramas… story of our lives… what’s to say I ask you? 1 day you're up there floating in the rltnshp, next mo, you get ur hot air balloon burst by an arrow shot off by some unknown sharpshooter out there to get at ya! Same goes with work. One day I think hey, I love it here, I can see myself for years here, doing the same thing and that perhaps this is more family than it gets. We spend 9 hours here, and in fact we're in closer 'physical presence' contact with them colleagues than we are with our own kin and kind! How many hours do we actually spend sitting close by our family members while at home? On our days off, we could be in our rooms (alone), wired to the net (alone), doing our chores (alone) or heavens out of the house (with our friends)! Heck, we sure need a social life right? Then the next mo I can feel ostracized by them very colleagues I'm in such close contact with but not really blame them cos I’m quite the serious loner as I’ve been all my uni days so can’t blame em for not quite knowing what to say to me also right?

But hey, at least right here and now, I do not think life sux anymore. I’m actually kinda soaking in the sucky feeling… inhaling it, feeling it perpetrate rite into my bones and evaporate into my blood BUT…from an outsider’s point of view. That's good ain't it?

I hate Tuesdays. Does anyone know just how much I hate Tuesdays? Mondays are ok cos it’s the 1st day of work after the weekend and love it or loathe it, we all need to work for our bread and butter right? Nowadays it's more like for our house loan, car loan, education loan, shopping, food, yadda,yadda..So Monday, we wake up, we get ready and we go to work and there’s A LOT of work normally so it goes by real fast. Then comes Tues, and hey, Mon’s gone so u gotta crawl thru Tues. Wednesday is pretty cool cos it marks MIDWEEK [i.e:1 more day to Fri]. I LOVE Fridays. Did I tell you I love Fridays? But Thurs, there’s another lousy day in a week! It’s like the anti-climax. Like here’s all that orgasm for Wednesday BCOS of Friday…BUT WAIT, there’s one more day to it! *SIGHHHH* so there’s the anti climatic Thursday for ya. And then finally its Friday [FINALLY!!!]

Hehehe…. so that’s the ups and down I go thru in my work week. Sat is real cool cos Sat is MY day! I try to spend the whole of Sat pampering myself simply cos it screams of MMMEEEEEEEEEE time My Sat starts with me waking at about 7.30/8am to practice on the organ, class is from 10 – 10.30am. Then take a lazy stroll alone in a supermarket/bookstore, whatever. Or go home, have lunch and laze by the TV, do my nails, get a facial once a month, nap, watch a VCD with my lil’ bro, you get the idea…..

And Sunday is usually family time unless Chief is off, then it’s a 50-50 between Chief and family.

So there’s my life in a nutshell. Anyone itching to analysis me?

Happy Birthday baby girl....

Someone very close to my heart turned 18 today. Someone whom I grew up with and just recently, has decided to spread her wings and fly. It's strange to feel these emotions so strong for someone who I spend quite a lot of time arguing with. *Sigh* I guess this is 1/4 of what the 'empty nest' syndrome feels like for parents when their children start to spread their wings and test its strength.

It's funny how the only time we rush to get older is when we're in school. And then 7-8 years after school, during mamak sessions, we bring back the old "Remember how we used to .... " "Remember that girl/guy in tuition class.." "Remember that teacher we made her cry..." and of course it ends with *sigh* "Those were good times..." & "I wish I could go back to school days". I wish I could warn the current school batch to take 1 day at a time cos soon, b4 they know it, things would get so different. But just like us, they too wouldn't listen until it's too late.

Does God feel like that? Trying to advise us, warn us bcos he's wiser and knows better, but we refuse to take heed and instead thinks the advise is just to hinder us, restrict us?

Hell I miss school. I miss the times I had with this someone (who isn't a part of my school memories but a very big part of my past and of who I am). 'She' isn't dead. But here is one instance where if I could turn back time, I would do things differently. We were both growing. And the process made us grow apart.

I hope one day you will read this. I hope one day I will have the guts to ask you to read this. And I love u. And Happy 18th Birthday big gurl! May God Bless You with a strong conscience and the Holy Spirit to lead you onwards in all the paths and decisions you make.