Monday, December 19, 2011

My *potential* future home

I never thought I would say this, but although I never want to leave my current cosy apartment unit; the one that I call home for more than 3.5 years now, I have to admit that this one looks pretty promising too.

It's interesting getting a new place to call home. A bigger one, pricier one, one with bigger space too. So much potential to accept the challenge and make the house into a home. A home that we who slog to pay for, will look forward to coming back to, a sanctuary to retreat to, a private place to concentrate on God while building a family, and the knowledge that in this house, we have ample space for another daughter or son. or both.

Yet at the same time, I'm also being such a pouty, sentimental brat who refuses to give up on familiar surroundings. "The only thing constant in life, is change". I'm a strong believer in that phrase, yet as always, it's easier said than done.

People won't get it cos my current place is only abt 800 sq.ft. Why aren't I eager to move into more spacious living arrangements? Mostly cos I love my little home to pieces. It's little enough for me to handle the cleaning on my own. I get the pool view from my yard where I prepare the family meals and I get the playground view from the balcony when I hang the laundry to dry. Many times when it was just me alone at home or me with my little baby then, I took solace lazing on the sofa watching TV or doing household chores with the TV on...the long naps in the bedroom after work during my pregnancy when all I did was sleep, the fish tank, the tuition lessons I gave, the trial and error meals I eagerly prepared to surprise my husband with, which he lavished much praises little apartment brings such fond memories of peace and silence. It was a place where I got to watch the tree branches sway in the wind, listen to the birds sing, smell the rain as it was about to pour, watch other 'housewives' chatter and bring in their laundry when the clouds heave and the sky threatens to burst open. Be a part of that 'chatter' with the neighbours.

Not to forget, my peaceful little cosy apartment is also the place where I familiarised myself with and grew into the roles of wife first, and then mother. It was just me, the apartment and my husband. When he was at work, and back when I used to come home early, it was scheming time on housechores and meal planning. That was when I grew into the "Wife" term of endearment, just me and that peaceful house of mine. Then when I became "Mother" to a newborn, for many moons it was just me and my little dependant angel while my husband went off to work. Twas' then when I bonded with my child and the love between mother and child blossomed into the fierce attachment that it is now.

But it was not all good. Many times, as with life, there are also thunderstorms as life is not all sunshine and rainbows. The disappointing repetitive news we had to endure regarding my losses-the lives, the jobs, devastating... So many sad stories that crushed my spirit, broke me down entirely, yet still I took solace in that apatment unit. Time heals all things they say. The house was a cocoon for me to hide in. There; I've broken down, survived day by little day, my spirit healed and I returned to walk into reality bit by independent bit. Oh, the memories that unit gave. Come to think of it, it offered me a refuge but there I experienced a lot of anguish and grief, too.

Breaking up is so hard to do. Yet, sometimes it is vital. I guess it's normal to feel this way towards the first place you make your home, the first real place that you own and come home to everyday. A place where you own the keys that unlock the grills which let you in.

But "Hope is a thing with feathers". Perhaps it would be good indeed to look forward to the promise of better times, joyful moments and happier news in this new "home-to-be" which has been so graciously entrusted upon us. "Out with the old and in with the new". This house is eagerly awaiting for my family to transform it into a real family home with much laughter, aspirations and good strong values that it once was. How timely it is that 2011 is closing upon us. As we look forward to the new year, I suppose it wouldn't hurt for me to give this promising little 'cottage' a chance to grow upon us all.

1 comment:

Hdaran said...

I remember having to move away from the dorm I lived in for three years during my undergraduate days. Much more so because my roomie was the alleged Mr. P from my blog. The unknown is a chance you'd always have to take in life; we never really would know for the better or the worse. However, the fear of falling down should never stop one from trying. All the best with your new possible home!!!

PS: Yes, blogging has become an essential part of my life... And yours is a wonderful addition to the myriad of blogs I follow, all of which have given me immense pleasure in partly living the experiences!