The mother in the picture still looks plump from her pregnancy and tired from breastfeeding but she still does it. Would I be a bad mother if I stopped?
As I've mentioned in my previous post, it was such joy to see my babe down a whole 2 oz of milk from a feeding bottle. But at the same time, I have such mixed feelings about it.
Training her to feed from a bottle is necessary because I will return to work before she turns 4 months and I don't intend to express milk once at work. On top of that, by drinking from a bottle, I can ensure that she gets her required amount for her age as I am unable to estimate how much she gets from the breast. Furthermore, she falls asleep while nursing and therefore, wakes up almost too frequently for more feeds, given the fact that she's not full, obviously.
She has been exclusively breastfed for the first 1.5 months of her life. The plan is to start introducing her to formula milk at this stage as I will have to report to work for 7 days at the end of this month. I can't bring myself to use the pump cos I detest it. The pump and I didn't get off to a good start and it just makes me feel like an animal! Hence, no pumps for me. Period.
But see how jumbled up my thoughts are? I'm all over the place!
Bottomline is; I'm glad she has taken to the artificial nipple because for one, it would spell my freedom. Once she goes on formula milk, I would be free to resume a somewhat watered down version of my old life and go out for dinners, shopping, movies as someone else watches over baby. I would have a baby AND a life.
However, no matter how tiresome breastfeeding it, one can't deny that it does form a bond between mother and child. A baby nursing at the breast while staring focused at your face...how can that not form a bond? A mother being the sole lifeline, how can the mother not be proud of that? That love which flows from mother to child in the form of milk, food of sustenance as both bodies maintain physical contact, how can that not form the greatest bond of all?
Will bottle feeding her on formula milk; on cows milk that has been broken down and altered in laboratories and factories erase or break that mother-child bond?
Will the cow be able to give her the very best? Will my baby grow healthily while bottle feeding on cow's milk? Some may answer 'Yes'; afterall, yours truly, her own mum, is the product of bottle fed cow's milk. But will that give my conscience a rest?
Having a job that requires me to face tens of people each day requires me to stop breastfeeding to ensure that I do not have any 'unforeseen incidents'. Yet at the same time, I feel so guilty that I have to break the chain which nature intended.
Is 1.5 months on exclusive breastmilk sufficient to leave a mark on her health and well-being?
As much as I want my freedom, it also feels rather gloomy that she won't be 100% dependent on me once she goes on formula. I must say that it is nice feeling so needed, it is nice to have another being (a mini-me, if you must) relying solely on me for sustenance and survival. I'm proud to say that I kept her alive and growing for the past 1.5 months.
Am I a bad mother for taking her off breastmilk and transiting her to formula? How do other mothers deal with this issue? Do they go through as much thought and guilt as I do?
Will she love me less?
