The mother in the picture still looks plump from her pregnancy and tired from breastfeeding but she still does it. Would I be a bad mother if I stopped?
As I've mentioned in my previous post, it was such joy to see my babe down a whole 2 oz of milk from a feeding bottle. But at the same time, I have such mixed feelings about it.
Training her to feed from a bottle is necessary because I will return to work before she turns 4 months and I don't intend to express milk once at work. On top of that, by drinking from a bottle, I can ensure that she gets her required amount for her age as I am unable to estimate how much she gets from the breast. Furthermore, she falls asleep while nursing and therefore, wakes up almost too frequently for more feeds, given the fact that she's not full, obviously.
She has been exclusively breastfed for the first 1.5 months of her life. The plan is to start introducing her to formula milk at this stage as I will have to report to work for 7 days at the end of this month. I can't bring myself to use the pump cos I detest it. The pump and I didn't get off to a good start and it just makes me feel like an animal! Hence, no pumps for me. Period.
But see how jumbled up my thoughts are? I'm all over the place!
Bottomline is; I'm glad she has taken to the artificial nipple because for one, it would spell my freedom. Once she goes on formula milk, I would be free to resume a somewhat watered down version of my old life and go out for dinners, shopping, movies as someone else watches over baby. I would have a baby AND a life.
However, no matter how tiresome breastfeeding it, one can't deny that it does form a bond between mother and child. A baby nursing at the breast while staring focused at your face...how can that not form a bond? A mother being the sole lifeline, how can the mother not be proud of that? That love which flows from mother to child in the form of milk, food of sustenance as both bodies maintain physical contact, how can that not form the greatest bond of all?
Will bottle feeding her on formula milk; on cows milk that has been broken down and altered in laboratories and factories erase or break that mother-child bond?
Will the cow be able to give her the very best? Will my baby grow healthily while bottle feeding on cow's milk? Some may answer 'Yes'; afterall, yours truly, her own mum, is the product of bottle fed cow's milk. But will that give my conscience a rest?
Having a job that requires me to face tens of people each day requires me to stop breastfeeding to ensure that I do not have any 'unforeseen incidents'. Yet at the same time, I feel so guilty that I have to break the chain which nature intended.
Is 1.5 months on exclusive breastmilk sufficient to leave a mark on her health and well-being?
As much as I want my freedom, it also feels rather gloomy that she won't be 100% dependent on me once she goes on formula. I must say that it is nice feeling so needed, it is nice to have another being (a mini-me, if you must) relying solely on me for sustenance and survival. I'm proud to say that I kept her alive and growing for the past 1.5 months.
Am I a bad mother for taking her off breastmilk and transiting her to formula? How do other mothers deal with this issue? Do they go through as much thought and guilt as I do?
Will she love me less?
4 comments:
Though I am an advocate in breastfeeding, what I can tell you is follow your heart and comfort.
It won't make less a good mother if you stop breastfeeding and certainly it won't hinder/break down the bond.
I only manage to breastfeed my eldest for 3 months. It stopped after I went back to work. She is no less closer to me compared to her other siblings which I breastfed for more than almost 2 years.
Of course if you can, at least try to breastfeed until your baby is 6 months old. My aunt who is a school teacher, hand express her milk to feed her baby, it goes on until my cousin was 8 months old
Though I strongly believe in breastfeeding, I also believe that in parenting and motherhood, what works best for you and your child is whats best for both of you. Forget about what parenting gurus, books and others say. Just concentrate on enjoying your child during the early weeks and years for they go by so quickly by and before you know it, that precious time is gone.
I so believed in breastfeeding and thought I would be a bad mum if I didn't that I stupidly denied my poor baby of bottled milk powder and even water thinking it would sabotage my efforts even though I was doing so badly breastfeeding her. So much so that she lost so much weight initially and looked so gaunt and almost dehydrated!
Eventually, despite stressing myself (and everyone else) up completely I only managed mixed feeds. I would do it differently if I could turn back the clock. I did not enjoy those early weeks at all looking back. They were so stressful! With my second, I was more experienced so we did a better job breastfeeding. Breastfeeding is certainly no easy "feat" to me. Though supposed to be natures way it felt anything other than natural to me for a long time till we got it right finally.
So forget the guilt (though it won't go away entirely. We mothers are always full of guilt over one thing or another) and just enjoy your baby. And never ever compare yourself with another mother who can proudly claim that she pumps at work, rushes home to feed during lunch hours and pumps during overseas business trips etc. Not everyone can manage that and not everyone who cannot manage that is by default a bad mother. Whether you are a good mother or not is not measured by breastfeeding.
Oops! Did I write such a long comment? I only realised after posting. Haha.
To be frank, I loved your 'long' comment! Thank you so much. Part of the guilt IS because yes, I keep hearing abt all these mums who manage to express at work, rush home to feed baby mid-day, etc. I wouldn't mind if I'm office based but I'm not. I'm a Teacher in a SECONDARY co-ed school with no breastfeeding room! But as a mum, of cos we want what's best for our babes; hence the torn feelings.
You helped me to see my work circumstances clearer and how tedious and frustrating it would be.
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