Defining motherhood

"How's motherhood treating you?" That's what I've been asked A LOT lately. And my answer to date has been "BACKBREAKING EXHAUSTING"!

HONESTLY! My whole body aches. I ache in places I never thought could hurt. Like for instance, the heels (the balls) of my feet - from propping them up in nursing position. Then there's the 'heels' of my palms - from God-only-knows-what. Oh and did I mention the two fingers on my left hand? Apparently, that one is from making sure my baby doesn't suffocate while nursing (go figure).

Motherhood is about THE GIVING OF SELF. All I have to do is hear her cry and I come running. So much so that I wouldn't be surprised if I hear her crying in public and start unbuttoning my top!

I can function on minimal sleep now or spastic sleep time. Everyone advises me to sleep while baby naps in the day time BUT hey, I need some me time too! I need entertainment too even if it's just FB. Even if it's just reading the newspapers! Even if I end up spending the whole solid 2 hours of surfing ridiculous things that pop into my head like "Why does my baby fart so much?" and "How do I know my baby loves me?". Absolutely necessary to prove to self that I still have some say in how I run my life (YA RIGHT!)

Because ironic as it seems, a baby can really just march into your life and simply take over your life! She can determine when you sleep, eat, heck even when you poop! Sometimes, when I force myself to stay awake too long in the day, baby knows it and decides mama must get some shut eye. So, she whines and cries, etc until I take her in my arms in sleeping position beside her and pretend that I am asleep as I rock her to sleep. Guess what happens. I rock myself to sleep too!

At the end of the day (i.e. around 6pm), she's the clean Princess and I'm a bloody, stinky mess! Because she's had her bath, her feed and her nap; all the while stretching and neighing like a little horse in her sleep (me thinks that's another one of her tactics to keep me near) while I stay on guard watching over her; bloodshot and exhausted cos I can't take a shower when she threatens to wake up now can I?

And don't even get me started on my romance/sex life. LOL. A baby just slips into the husband-wife relationship and decides to call the shots. I believe it's called the THIRD PARTY INVASION.

It's funny how she takes control and ownership of my time without doing much to hatch a plan. At the same time, it's also funny how the most basic things she does can put a smile on my face and make me happy. For instance, a burp makes me relief cos I know she won't spit up on me. A massive massacre of a poop makes me rejoice cos I know it signals bedtime. Seeing her get angry red blisters and nappy rash makes me worried so much so that I would willingly do anything, give anything if it means the rash would disappear immediately. And then I would determinedly apply nappy rash cream at every diaper change only to have her poop all over her little bum again immediately after applying the cream.

What made me very happy today was to see that the nappy rash had cleared. Gone away. Disappeared. My 'hardwork' and persistence had paid off! *Pat on the back* And on top of that, she drank 2 oz of milk; bottle fed today (she refuses bottle feeds up to now)! Oh bliss. God is listening!

My heart also expands in the mornings or afternoons (heck, whatever time of the day we decide to wake up) when she gives me that big toothless smile which she seemed to have reserved all night long just for me. ahhhhhhhhhh............

If it feels real, then it must be real, right? And so, this MUST be motherhood, right? Wake up and smell the poop Princess Running Water :)